Book Excerpts
Introduction
The Fertile Darkness
The Naked Heart
First Impressions
Faces in the Mirror
Dismantling Negative Patterns
Shakti
Union
Sexual Communion
The Essence

Articles
- The Secret of the Sexual Dance

Interviews
- Healthy You - 10/28/2009

Chapter 7

Union

Whose idea was this,
to have the lover visible,
and the Beloved invisible!
-Rumi

The principle of synergy—the whole being greater than the sum of the parts—provides a key in understanding the transformative nature of a spiritual partnership. When we come together to share in a generous, heart-filled love of life, a powerful transformative energy is generated.  We find the potential to bond at each of the seven chakras.  The apparent gap between self and other will start to close, and a fullness will grow that is greater than what either of us experience alone.  This is the spiritual secret behind the devotional path to marriage.  We unite with each other not just physically, but emotionally, mentally, and spiritually as well. 

Let us investigate each chakra and how we align as partners within each one.

Aligning First (Survival) Chakras
The first chakra at the base of the spine is considered the storehouse of shakti and is considered the root of consciousness.  Psychologically, this center has to do with patterns of survival, fear, possessiveness, food, and money.  When we experience “losing our ground,” or find ourselves “spaced out,” we are often disconnected from this root chakra.

In the process of aligning our root chakras, we naturally become aware of issues relating to survival and security.  At the surface this often translates into our relationship with money.  At the emotional level we face the fear of loss.  At the deepest level, we encounter the reality of death. Until we experience that nothing is permanent and that death is an ally, the heart cannot fully open.
 
As the intimacy intensifies between us and greater shakti —that is, energy and awareness—awakens, the fears or hidden agendas that exist unconsciously in our relationship will start to emerge.  Are we attached to each other primarily for security?  Do we rely on each other more than God?  Is our love at all financially based?  Are we using money as a way of controlling our partners?  Are we afraid to speak our truth for fear of losing the relationship?  Certain conventional relationships work quite well when they are negotiated like a business, but spiritual partnerships inevitably confront deeper questions and consequently drive us into the core of the heart. In a conventional or more unconscious relationship, such material is often suppressed.  Various strategies of avoidance and denial are woven into relating, which results in a mutual shutting down of the potential energy of our root chakras. Such a relationship is often based on fear, not love, and will eventually die spiritually, if not physically.

By contrast, in a spiritual partnership we welcome whatever discomfort arises. We do not hide from ourselves or each other. We view our fear not as something to be denied but to be embraced as a messenger of insight into our separateness and the need to return to a sense of union in love. We cooperate by tuning into the sensation of fear in our bodies. We challenge hidden negative core beliefs and affirm our essential union. In this way our intimacy continually deepens, and our creative energy, which is no longer bound up in fear, is consumed in love.  The power of love—shakti—at the level of the first chakra seeks to consume our survival issues.
 
To help move into alignment in the first chakra, we can begin to bridge whatever separation might exist with regard to finances.  Although each relationship is unique, there are several general principles that help couples to align in this way. One is to merge your finances as efficiently as possible. Separate bank accounts do not facilitate spiritual bonding.  Instead, we teach the elegant principle of unlimited sharing. We hold nothing back from each other.

We worked recently with a couple in an intense first chakra struggle.  Although both partners contributed significantly to the well-being of the family, the man was the primary breadwinner. Somehow, he felt this entitled him to be the primary financial decision maker as well. His wife was expected to account for every dollar she spent.  As you can imagine, this became the source of tremendous strife in their marriage. It reflected a deep distrust between them and a separation inside their own hearts.

In any kind of conflict each person must look within.  Control issues are symptomatic of unacknowledged fear.  When communication finally opened up a bit for this particular couple both admitted a reluctance to let go of control for fear of abandonment.  She was unwilling to rock the boat—to speak her truth—for fear that he would leave.  He was unwilling to relax his grip on the money for fear that she would take advantage of greater financial freedom, and possibly find another partner. The issue was the same for both the husband and wife: Fear of loss.  Facing our fears and sharing honestly with each other are essential to freeing up our spiritual energy. On the other hand, suppressing such root chakra issues robs a relationship of its vitality—of that powerful shakti that wants to flow between partners and nurture their connection. 

We live in a culture that values power and financial status (masculine principles) over nurturing and loving kindness (feminine principles).  But spiritual wisdom reveals that the partner who takes care of the home and nurtures the children contributes as much to a spiritual partnership as the partner who goes out to work each day. The at-home partner provides the spiritual manna, the shakti, for the income-earning partner to manifest his or her talents in the outside world.  When a couple recognizes this truth and begins to balance their root level chakras, new sources of energy, joy and vitality are discovered. 

As couples let go of their respective fears, a deep sense of well-being arises.  Shakti flows abundantly, and the material needs of the household are met with increasing ease and comfort.  We discover that it is actually from the substance of our love that our needs are met.  The quiet presence of our devotion, like an invisible magnet, seems to attract what is needed materially, emotionally and spiritually. 

Here are some simple procedures for dismantling negative patterns related to the root chakra.
One: When possible, join your finances.  Make available to each other any private, protected source of savings and income.  Decide together how you will manage the finances and what each partner’s role will be.
 
Two: Discuss any emotional fears or insecurities that might arise and work on feeling free to explore such issues together. For example, does the fear of abandonment surface when you consider your economic situation?  Do you become anxious over your financial conditions?  Is there a fear of betrayal connected to money matters? 

Three: Meditate.  Find the space inside that is unspoiled by thought. Fear boils down to a lack of faith in God and a belief that we are in control of our life.  Through meditation the conscious mind gets attuned to the only power that truly knows the way.

Four:  Work with the following affirmation: We are one with God, the Source of infinite energy, wisdom, and compassion.  God supports our union. Nothing can happen that isn’t meant to happen. 
 
Aligning Second (Sexual) Chakras
The second chakra is located behind the genitals.  When shakti awakens here, it affects our sexuality, passion and creativity